The incriminating blog and how it made me realize I was an image accessory.

It is my belief that the english language is useless. Completely fucking useless. What's said by me is interpreted in as many different ways as there are people hearing or reading it. The same can be said about actions, and in this case emotions.

Because, isn't how you think you feel about someone simply an interpretation of a wide array of given stimuli that leads us to an, if I may say this, emotional interpretation? An interpretation, or belief that leads us to behave in a certain way or to do things that we feel are necessary? Now, knowing this information, is it fair, accurate or even responsible to think that I should behave in a way similar to the way anyone else behaves when faced with this sort of "emotional labelling"?

What I mean by this is not as confusing as my words above are. I attatch the feeling of love to a certain group of stimuli that I may feel about a person. You, or anyone has obviously attatched that word "love" to a completely different group of stimuli. Meaning that we can love different things. Some people love men, some love cats. I love neither, in the relationship sense of the word. But what's important, to quote two brothers; is the connection that the word "love" implies. Now, since I've established that people have completely different interpretations for the word love and the subsequent emotion that's attatched to it, isn't it possible for me to behave differently while faced with this emotion and not taint it at all? Isn't it likely that I would behave differently when faced with this emotion than others would. Isn't it necessary?

Disclaimer: This post was fuelled by a conversation I had with someone. But, it plays heavily on some things that I have been medatating over recently, and it seemed to be the key that fit, and allowed this to come forth. As rough around the edges as this post is, it still stands as true as its final draft will.

So, what I mean is this.

Affection is a fickle creature. At least for me. When I'm faced with the sweaty palms, the fluttered heartbeat, and the nerves, my logic goes out the window. If you're the object of my affection, you'll know. Because I'll tell you. I don't think, however, that I've simply been affectionate of only one person at a time ever in my life. Quite the contrary in fact, in my mind, or my "heart" (the part of my mind that deals with emotion. It's small. And black) reside many people to which I am Affectionate. Please, do not confuse love with affection. They are two different beasts, and there shall be a rant on the former in the near future. Now, as I sit here letting my skilled hands pluck the correct series of keys to let these thoughts flow out to the world I think of all the people that I'm currently infatuated with, ogling over, feeling an affection for, or just plain like. There are a number of them. But, does that somehow make any of them less important to me? Quite the contrary.

Before I go any further, I have to clear something up, if only to myself. Just because I feel this emotion for someone doesn't mean I'll act upon it. Quite the contrary, it's usually those that I have absolutely no emotional attatchment to that I have the easiest time talking to and have a much easier time getting empty sexual gratification from. It also needs to be said that I've ignored a desire for empty sexual gratification for, um. Let's just say, a long time. Celebecy has it's cost, but I believe that the reward is great. As strange as this is to tell people I'm sure I've never met, and as hard as this may be to believe, t'is true none the less.

Now that we've cleared up that I'm not a slut (in the physical sense, I suppose I could be called an "emotional slut", but perhaps that's an unfair accusation as well) I must continue. Right, the fact that there are several players on the ice doesn't take away from how important each one is or how I feel about any of them. As bad of a comparison as that was, it got the point across. Kind of. I kind of lost the flow, so I'll wrap this up. If I am with someone. In the sense that I'm dating them, we have a "thing", or we're married. That's it, I've chosen you out of many. This should not make you feel any less that there were others that I cared for, but should make you realize that I cared for you the most. It still sounds terrible even as I write it because using this damn language to illustrate something like emotion is like trying to use a cobra to scrape ice off a windshield. Brandon out.

The facts about meth.

Tool have captured my interest again, or moreover...Still.